Putting it all into perspective.

It's amazing how sometimes the weather can mirror your feelings.

Today is a perfect example of this. Rainy and grey.



In all the years I have coached, I have been around players and families when grandparents of team members have passed away.

This is to be expected. It is never easy and we all go through the struggles of saying the right thing when we see the players and families at the service.

We offer condolences and give our support to the family knowing that the pain and grief will subside.

Yesterday however, something happened that until now I never had to deal with as a coach.

This entry is not all about me and how I feel. That is the least important thing at this time, I am more concerned about the circumstances surrounding this event and how it has impacted one of my players. I can only imagine what the family is feeling. The pain of sudden and unexpected loss is a kind of grief that cannot be described.

However, let's just say that this is part of my way of coming to terms with this, before I see the family and have to actually have to say something without falling apart.

When my player called me and started the conversation off with, "I have some really bad news...", I innocently thought that there was an injury or a conflict with the game and tournament coming up next weekend. Girls are more emotional and I am somewhat used to them passing on news through tears, I was in no way prepared for what she told me.

Her father had passed away of cardiac arrest.

There is a vacuum that happens when bad news is given to you. A sudden intake of breath and you hold it until you have processed the information. Then a double take to make sure you heard correctly.

That impact of that silence and not knowing what to say to a young person as she lets emotion pour out, is so thick it can choke you and leave you speechless. Of course, the closeness we feel for the parents and players are part of a team/family dynamic we try so hard to create and foster. It felt like I had just been kicked in the stomach.

Unexpected and tragic. A 16 year old girl is now without her father. What can be said at a time like this that can even begin to ease the anguish she is feeling?

I am ashamed to say that all I could muster was, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry..."

She couldn't go on with her story so, in an act of self-preservation I told her to hang up and I would call her when I was at home and we could speak.

All the long drive home, I kept thinking of the father and what a wonderful person he was. The family is first rate and are always supportive to any team initiative, without question.

He, himself was an open and very likeable person. Always ready with a warm handshake and a smile that was honest and never forced.

They opened their house to us during the training camp and put on an incredible meal.

The family is always at the head of the line when we ask for help. Whether it be at tournaments or for anything we need.

I remember how proud he was of his daughter when she was asked to join our team at try-outs last season. The humble and respectful way he spoke to everyone around. It was not phony - it was genuine and you could sense the sincerity when he spoke.

Never boastful, you only had to talk to him a short time to know how proud he was of his family.

I enjoyed our time together and will miss the smile and nod of acknowledgment when we greeted each other. With the ever-present cup in his hand of Tim Horton's - tea not coffee, I was reminded, it was always a pleasure to see him. In our conversations, we never spoke of anything that could be perceived as him promoting his daughter.

He always looked slightly embarrassed when I complimented his daughter on a good play or when she had a good game. I was sincere, I think he knew it.

It was easy to talk to him, there was no agenda nor ulterior motives of our conversations. I am sorry we did not have more time to spend together but, as always we get so wrapped up in our own little dramas, that we do not take enough time to see what is important.

We lose sight of what we need to be complete. That is other people to compliment our lives, to make us better people because of the experience and time spent together.

It is a sad fact that it takes something like this, something that hits close to home to truly put things in their proper perspective.

It is going to be very hard for the family over the next little while. Everything they see will somehow remind them of him and the pain will once again surface. It will take time to heal.

As a coach, I can leave the service on Sunday and get it out of my mind for a while. For them it will be a longer journey.

This world has lost another truly good person.

Mike you will be missed by your family and everyone who had the good fortune to know you.

I see It's still raining, how fitting.