After The Smoke Clears.

How many times do we ask ourselves this question - what went wrong?

How many times do we beat ourselves up over the same things and agonize the outcomes?

The strength in a coach to personalize things - to make their players feel like they are part of something bigger than "just" a team can also be the downfall when players decide to take advantage of certain situations.

Throughout a season, we get pushed to our limits with the individual personal problems of players. It is sometimes taken for granted that this is the only struggle that matters and no one else's dilemmas are as great or dramatic. People tend to take a narrow view and quite often overlook the obvious - everyone has trials in their lives, it is how we deal with them and not involve others determines our moral fibre, our character, our very being.

My rule of thumb is quite simple, if you can deal with it yourself without impacting others negatively - then that is the proper course of action. If you feel it is beyond your scope and the situation might escalate and get out of control, then it is wise to ask for advice.

I am one that tries to see each player for what they truly are. I have become quite adept at not harbouring grudges or losing sight of the fact that these players (depending on your age category) are young people and today more so than any other time I can recall - the sense of the dramatic is at it's peak. I have secretly (to myself and for the first time revealed here) dubbed this the "Scarlett O'Hara Syndrome" or S.O.S for short.

I often have to go back in my diary or journals and see what I saw in a player in the first place. With a fresh unbiased eye, what this player could bring to the team. This helps center me and get me back on track when approaching or trying to deliberate on a problem or scenario where I have to pass judgement or even give an opinion or advice.

We all start with a blank page and we write our own story. Chapter by chapter the tale gets written. What it contains is not my personal bias, it is the facts surrounding the time together and the impact one may have on the team. It will of course be seen from my eyes so it is by no means infallible, the absolute truth or the only viewpoint but more often than not - it is a pretty accurate assessment and analysis.

I have been lucky enough this year and last, to have a very supportive group of parents. There are questions of course and some varying viewpoints but in all, we have been able to sort things out with calm and rational discussion. More often than not arriving at a mutual understanding. My final point always being why I coach - not for the parents but for the child.

The whole point of this posting is, at this time of year, if things are not rosy, if expectations have been set too high or not fully realized, then it can be a very stressful and trying time. To be a coach is not for the faint of heart nor for people who shy away from confrontation. It is for those who lead by example and at the end of it all take satisfaction in the fact they did all they could to better the situation.

It has always been my goal to try and impact positively, more players than those I cannot reach. To try and earn the respect of all involved with the team. Most importantly have the player and family honestly say that their child is a better player and person having lived the experience. The goal should always be that the gains outweigh the losses along the way.

For me personally, that is how I assess each season. It is how I rate myself.

Sometimes however, lines get blurred and everything seems to be going wrong at once. We need to step back and reassess what has gone on before and what is needed to move forward. Time and space is a great healer and helps with the delivery of answers. I have until Thursday to come up with this magic emotional potion.

More when I get centered.